On Panic Attacks and Other Things That Are Common For Me
I’m leaving for my mom’s today for a week or so with the kids. I’m still plugging away at cleaning and organizing stuff that was my dad’s and getting rid of chemicals etc that my mom would never use. Some exciting trips to the landfill & toxic waste disposal are in store.
Once I get back, we have a day trip to the zoo, one day of playdates (one at the babysitters and one at a friend’s house) and then I’m back to work full time. Ack! I am SO NOT READY. Normally I’d have a freezer full of meals prepared but we haven’t had money to buy any extra groceries so I have absolutely nothing prepared. I’ve bought all of the kids supplies so they’re ready (and so excited, contrary to myself) but I haven’t been to the school once or even checked my email. I have nothing ready. Nada. This from the type A completely anal teacher of the past who spent the whole summer at school to get ready for fall. This time I’m flying by the seat of my pants. Getting to school at 8:15 and leaving at 3:31 (noon on Fridays), and not spending a minute of my children’s awake time on work – school, house, blog or otherwise.
I have a bit of a panic attack when I think about going back, but since we’re now using the line of credit for things like feeding the kids, I know it’s definitely time. They will be 100% fine and are going to what I think will be the most fabulous dayhome of all time (better than home, maybe, but I hate to admit it) but I’d still rather them be with me. Even if it was half time it would be better, but my school district frowns upon that and wouldn’t give it to me. It costs them too much money to pay benefits for two teachers. Blech. It’s always about the money, isn’t it?
Anyway, I’m just going to thoroughly enjoy my last 12 days as a stay at home mom and not think about going back until I actually walk in the door. Three and a half years at home is better than many people get so I’m trying to just count my blessings and quit bitching. It’s not easy.
August 8th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I have been reading your blog for a while. I was in the Mom’s Club with Chele many years ago when she was in California. I totally feel you. I hate being without my son. I only have one. But starting in September I go back to school full time to be a nurse and will also work full time, because unfortuntly I have little support from A’s dad. But we have to make the best of it and thats all we can do. I want to give A the best life and childhood he can possibly have. I understand your anxiety, I am going threw the same thing right now. No money and just trying to get by. Thankfully my parents are absolutly wonderful. Just thought I would give you my 2 cents. I have followed your blog for probably close to a year now. Enjoy the last few days and remember everything has its purpose.
Melissa´s last blog ..Tomorrow is the Big Day
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August 8th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Thinking of you… I deal with the panic thing, over school-related stuff pretty regularly, but the positive attitude – like yourself – helps so much to bring one back to good thankful for what we have reality!! (My credit line is almost exhausted at this point! It’s a small one! Freakin’ trying to live on one salary… selling a house… buying a house… no pay in the summer… AHHH!!! Good thing I’m a glass half full girl eh!!! HA HA!!! Life is good.
) I’ve got a list a mile long of what I need to get when my first September pay cheque comes. It’s all good, right?? Good luck getting back to the grind… you’ll do great… deep breaths… keep focused on all that good stuff… your kids are sooooo amazing. 
(So are you!)
Tara´s last blog ..Very relaxing and long overdue
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August 8th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
big hugs!
These things have a way of working themselves out
You are going to rock!
chelle´s last blog ..It’s Been One Week …
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August 9th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
What a terrifying thing to have to look forward to. I get it. It’s not scary as in “oh no, I’m gonna be away from my kids!” but instead it’s scary as in, “What about all those moments we’re going to miss together!”
Yuck.
But, it’s awesome that you have wonderful child care lined up… In that respect, you’re already light years ahead of most mom’s who must return to work. Finding stellar child care is no easy feat.
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August 9th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
I’ve been out of the workforce for 6 yrs now- so I know I would be having panic attacks about going back! Hoping the transition is a smooth one for you!
Michelle´s last blog ..Friday Freebie
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August 9th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
PS – belated happy anniversary wishes to you and the Big Guy!
Michelle´s last blog ..Friday Freebie
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August 10th, 2009 at 8:09 am
count your blessings AND bitch!!!!!
don’t worry about it!! I’ll listen!!!
Everything will fall into place…that’s why they made the crockpot!
Helen´s last blog ..We Survived…with a phone call home of course!
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August 10th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
I’m with Chelle; I think everything will work out great. You’re more experienced now, so you probably don’t need a full summer of prep anyway. It must be really hard to go back to work, and you’re doing it for your family, so you’re amazing! Just tell yourself that: “I’m amazing!”
Holly at Tropic of Mom´s last blog ..No special occasion
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