All of these could probably be called “Random Spew From My Brain of Mush” edition.

* BIG NEWS! Bella got her first tooth yesterday afternoon and…we didn’t even know it was coming! Whoo hoo! This is the sister of a kid who screams all night long and lives on Advil for months before a tooth comes through. You have no idea how excited we were that she slept through the night the night before we found a tooth. Freaking elated.

* Since I wrote Bella’s 7 month letter and mentioned that we were going to work on her sleep habits we followed through and did just that. She is, so far, the polar opposite of her brother in the area of sleep. In 24 hours we went from no schedule and an 11 pm bedtime (simply because I hadn’t taken the time to do anything about it and was more focused on Primo’s sleep) to a 45 minute morning nap in her carseat while we’re out, a 1.5-ish hour afternoon nap when I actually get a break and an 8:30 pm bedtime, for all of which she puts herself to sleep. She generally nurses 40-45 minutes after she goes to bed when she wakes up for a top-up and then wakes after 8-9 hours to nurse between 4 & 6 am. She usually sleeps until 9 am, but I try to wake her no later than 8:30 to keep the schedule. Wow. What a kid. (Yes, I know I’m probably jinxing myself by telling you. I’m too happy to care.)

*Primo and I went to the mall with some friends this week to pick up his new skates & helmet. We start skating this weekend and he’s SO excited! I started when I was two and skated my entire childhood. He was so excited about his new helmet that he wore it all afternoon and even ate dinner in it. It was quite the sight seeing him shove food through the holes in the cage while sitting in his underwear. He’s a real Canadian boy. He wanted to wear his skates too but I’m not that permissive. He also got new goggles today and wore them through the mall. He’s such a fashionable kid.

Feeding his sister cheerios. Also? Shoving them in her ear.

It took a while to figure out, but with the right angle the cheerio slips right in. The chin guard was full of grated cheese after supper but the cheerios worked pretty well.

In the mall trying on his new skates. It was a fight to get them off to let the dude sharpen them. Notice the new goggles hanging around his neck?

We got the skates off, but the goggles went on to replace them!

Enough about my kids. They can get their own blog. Let’s talk about my gout or something…

*I have some nasty sciatica right now. Earlier this week it only hurt when I walked but went away when I ran so my nightly run was actually a pleasure compared to walking. Last night’s run was a different story - I made it about a block before I came home and decided to walk the dogs instead. With a limp. I desperately need a massage and an adjustment. I don’t think my sciatic nerve has ever really recovered from my pregnancy with Bella. It comes and goes at will and is a huge pain in the ass hip leg everything below the waist on my right side. Have any of you ever had sciatica and can you recommend anything to help?

Summer has gotten away from me. I haven’t been posting as much as I sometimes do simply because I have real life things to do that are more important. Some fun facts to catch you up…

-I sleep with a leg pillow and have for years. I need a memory foam pillow for my head, tucked perfectly into “the nook” of my neck and a firm but fluffy pillow for behind or between my knees. If you’ve never slept with a leg pillow, you don’t know what you’re missing. You may never have a sore back in the morning again and you’ll have me to thank.

-I had my first facial last weekend. Blackhead extraction hurts like a mothertrucker, but my skin was as soft as Bella’s cute little butt. Have you ever had one? It’s not something I’d do often, but it might be a nice thing to do annually.

-I have recently started using coupons. Only for things I buy anyway otherwise it would just be stupid. I’ve always clipped coupons but now I actually take them to the store sometimes. At the last 15% Tuesday I got over $540 worth of groceries for $420. Eighty bucks was my 15% discount and $40 was coupons. It’s fun! (No, I don’t spend $500 on groceries every week - I was stocking up and getting new flours & ingredients etc for recipes I am trying this month.)

And you?
How many pillows do you sleep with?
Have you ever had a facial?
Do you clip coupons?

I totally forgot to post a Fun Fact Friday last week! Apparently y’all don’t give a crap about my fun facts because nobody notices. Harumph.

Whether you care or not, here are some more!
(Fertility edition, apparently, though that wan’t my original intention.)

*I love love LOVE scuba diving! I have only done the real thing once, in Cuba, but it was fan-freaking-tastic! I would be happy diving every day. However, I likely won’t go again for a long time because my children need their mother and it’s a little too risky at this point. Then again, so is driving, so who knows? I had an emergency blood test before leaving for Cuba just to be sure I wasn’t pregnant because I really wanted to try diving but would never have tried even a shallow dive if I was pregnant.

*My kids were practically conceived via immaculate conception. Not really, but it seems like all we have to do is touch in the hallway and I’m pregnant. I got pregnant with Primo literally the FIRST DAY we started trying - the day of our first anniversary. Bella was conceived before I even finished nursing Primo about 5 months before we were going to start trying.

*I was SURE I was going to have infertility problems. I have no idea why. Probably because I have so many friends and acquaintances who have had trouble conceiving that I just thought it was normal. When I went off the pill but we weren’t going to try for a few months (because I was going to Cuba…more on that later) I bawled like a baby when I wasn’t pregnant at the end of the month. Yes, even though we were careful not to “do it” when I was fertile. I rationalized it like this: If I was fertile, surely I would have gotten pregnant accidentally in the past three months. I didn’t, therefore I must be completely barren.

*I’m slightly over emotional, as is evidenced by the previous point. When I’m pregnant, it’s approximately eleventy gazillion times worse.

*A week before my first wedding anniversary, I went on a week long vacation to Cuba…with my mom! I left my husband at home to work. Nice, eh? I went to an all-inclusive resort to teach fitness classes and got to take one person with me who could stay for free. We decided I should take my mom because I had never been on a holiday with just her, she’d never been anywhere all inclusive or tropical and neither had I but the Big Guy had been to tons and, quite frankly, we like my mom a lot. We love her too, but liking her is totally different. Anyhoo, we went and it was WAY TOO FREAKING HOT - never go to Cuba in July - but we had a great time nevertheless. We came back on the red-eye on my anniversary. I think we pulled up at our house at about 9 am. My mom hopped in her car and headed back to her city and I…got pregnant with Primo! It was one hell of a happy anniversary!

*I’m still very afraid that, if we decide to have a third child, I will have fertility problems.

*I wish I was rich and 25, but with everything else exactly the same (husband, kids, house, vehicles…) so that we could have 4 more kids and I could be a stay at home mom. Instead I’m old and poor, so there will be, at the most, one more child. With old parents.

-”Eighth” is a really hard word to type properly when you’re typing fast. Apparently, so is “typing.”

-We get phone calls several times a day from “Ontario” and “Minnesota,” always at nap, supper or bed time. We, of course, don’t ever answer but that doesn’t stop us from getting really, really pissed off. Several times I’ve run to the phone only to see that number and swear inside my head. Last week, I decided enough was enough so once the kids were in bed I decided to answer a call from “Minnesota.” The telemarketer asked “Is this Mrs. MMTaM?” and she didn’t get another word in because I lost my shit on her. “Listen you f*ers. If you call here one more f*ing time and wake up my kids, I’m going to come through the phone and cut your f*ing jugular. I can’t think of anyone who wants to talk to you at any f*ing time in their day so f* the f* off.” Then I hung up. “Minnesota” hasn’t called since. I’m thinking “Ontario” might need the same treatment.

-I don’t lose my shit often, but when I do, you’ll want to look the f* out.

-I can be the most patient person and the least patient person, depending on the circumstances. In general, and if I’ve had enough sleep and have eaten, I have unlimited patience for kids, animals, the disabled and the elderly. I have zero patience for adults who are just stupid and should know better.

-I think people who abuse, in any way, kids, animals, the disabled or the elderly are going straight to hell without stopping at go or collecting two hundred dollars. There is no forgiveness for shit like that. I don’t care who you are or where you come from.

-For most other things, I believe very strongly in second chances. If it weren’t for second chances, I would not be the successful professional that I am today.

-These fun facts aren’t really so fun, are they? They kind of make me sound like a meanie. I’m not - I swear! (But not in front of children. I’d never do that.)

-Here’s a better one. I have always been just as stubborn as I am now. For example, when I was three my mom bought me a pair of pink cotton overalls that I refused to wear for no reason other than I didn’t pick them out myself and they were pink. After a lot of negotiation, my mom decided to tell me that I couldn’t go swimming if I didn’t wear them. I’ve always loved to swim, so I gave in and put them on. After that day I wore them almost every day demanding that my mom wash them every night. I wore them until they were floods and I could no longer do up the buttons. Thanks to those overalls and the multiple other pink items I chose after the overall incident, my nickname was Pinkie for years.

Welcome to this week’s edition of Fun Fact Friday!

(Just a reminder that I completely stole this and can take no credit for anything other than the shitty writing and complete randomness…name stolen from Tessie via TNG. I kind of feel like I should tell you that every week so you don’t think I’m a dirty rotten scoundrel. Will you? Or should I stop now?)

-I figure skated from the age of 2 to 16. I was in my first performance when I was 3 and skated it beautifully…with my hands covering my face the entire time.

-I played on volleyball teams from grade 4 through grade 12 and a little bit of club after that. I am short so am definitely not a hitter, but I set decently and have a killer serve. Or, I used to. I was vice-captain for at least one season - maybe more - but never made captain because my nemesis was always on my team. Bitch.

-I was the fastest runner in my age category in track and field until I got boobs. My nemesis and I always either tied for first place or alternated first and second. I still remember all of my red and blue ribbons. My nemesis never got boobs so she continued to win races even after I started running holding on to my shirt thinking that nobody could see them moving if I did that. Man, I was a moron.

-I played on badminton teams from grade 4 through grade 9. Girls singles was my favorite, and mixed doubles second. I hated sharing my court with another girl - they always got in the way.

-I cannot play baseball to save my life. I both throw and catch with my left hand and even when I played on a ball team I had to catch the ball, remove my glove, throw the ball and put the glove back on. That? Is slightly embarrassing.

-I am perhaps the worst golfer to ever have walked a course. We sold my clubs, bag and cart last month because I’m just that bad. I once swung at that damn little white ball no less than twenty times and didn’t even make contact. It was then that I became the official cart driver and cold beer drinker.

-I was lucky enough to grow up on a military base (my dad was Air Force) and go to a combination public/D.N.D. funded school, meaning we got to do pretty much everything and pay pretty much nothing. I went canoeing, on week long adventure camps, climbed up mountains, rappelled down mountains (my fave!), hiked, biked, took fencing courses, rode zip lines, played capture the flag in actual woods, competed in a log rolling competition and more. My parents probably paid less than $500 for sports my entire life. (Correct me if I’m wrong, Mom…) I can hardly believe it. Particularly since my 2 year old son’s sports are going to cost us over $300 just for the upcoming fall/winter season.

-I swam my whole life and was a nationally certified lifeguard and water safety instructor until college. I let my certifications all lapse, which was really stupid.

-I played Nerf Soccer (yes, they actually called it that) as a child. I don’t remember if I liked it or not. In university I joined a co-curricular soccer team and hated it. I invested in cleats, socks, and cute shorts and ended up pretending I was busy on soccer nights.

-I have been a certified fitness instructor for over ten years and have taught everything under the sun…step aerobics, multi-step, hi-lo aerobics, boot camp, spinning, yoga, pilates, kickboxing, swing dance, hip hop, latin dance and more. If you just put on music, I can’t dance to save my life but give me a few hours to choreograph something and I can teach YOU to dance and we’ll both have fun. I haven’t taught many classes since having kids because I don’t trust the gym’s childcare to care for my children. I have continued to do workshops though, teaching other people how to teach children to enjoy fitness. That’s where my fitness passion really lies.

-I love to run, but am slow as molasses. I am NOT built for running and will never be good at it, but I still enjoy it.

-I love to bike, but am a great big chicken. I am afraid of hills, paths that are too narrow, and going up and down curbs. If you’re adventurous, I’m not much fun to bike with.

-I am a certified personal trainer and love to weight train. I am incredibly picky about form so if you don’t want help you may not want to work out with me. I’ll help you whether you want it or not.

-My mom was never into organized sports much herself (she prefers walking, running, weight training etc.) but encouraged me to do anything I wanted to do. If it was a sport and I wanted to do it, she registered me. I feel really lucky to have done all of these things…thanks Mom!

How ’bout you folks? What are your favourite and least favourite athletic pursuits? What did you try when you were growing up? Do you still do those things?

Aside: God, but I love summer!

This is us, last week, at a national park in the Canadian Rockies. We were walking the shoreline throwing rocks in the lake with my mom, sister in law and nieces. About that black stripe down the left side? Just pretend it’s not there because I’m too tired to fix it. Okay? Okaybye.

Oh, and Happy 4th of July to my friends south of the border!

*I very rarely go to movies. I went to one when pregnant with Primo, one when pregnant with Bella, perhaps one in between and one this week. (Sex and the City“>Sex and the City was great - I laughed and cried intermittently, and you definitely don’t need to have watched the show to enjoy it. Seeing the movie makes the the book even better! I actually love movies, but I’m cheap and I go to bed too early.

*I am ever so slightly addicted to shaving my legs and armpits. By that I mean I MUST do it every day. Even when we’re camping, I’ll use a bottle of water to wet my legs and pits so I can shave if there are no showers there.

*My pinky toe has the teeniest little nail you ever did see. My to sort of curls under my [ring toe] fourth toe and the nail is less than 1mm long when cut short.

*My toenails are ALWAYS cut short. When I can see more than 1/2 mm of white it grosses me out. How people get gel nails and french manicures on their feet is beyond me. It’s gross.

*I love a clean house but hate cleaning. That’s not working out so good for me.

*Every Friday I go to Costco with two (or more) girlfriends and our kids. We are a total gong show. We all have lunch or a snack at the concession after we shop and we’re pretty sure they wish we’d just go home.

*I cannot get out of that place under $200. Today I went for toilet paper, granola, salsa and Drano. I didn’t get Drano or toilet paper and still spent $216.

*I am addicted to play dates. I can be in the middle of doing something important (or somewhat important, because I don’t really have anything really important to do right now) and if someone calls to invite us over to play I’ll leave it and go. I’ve left half-mixed muffins, a half-washed floor and a half-cleaned bathroom all [for a cup of coffee with a friend] [to get out of the damn house] so my kids can play with their friends. If we don’t play one day, I really miss it. Sometimes we just meet a friend to do an errand, like walk around the mall or go to Toys R Us for a few little things. Anything to get out and not be by myself. Thank God I have another friend who’s the same way so I generally always have someone to hang out with.

*My house is a total pig sty. Why doesn’t anyone clean it while I’m out playing? Rude.

*I want a house cleaner SO badly - even if it’s just for bathrooms once every two weeks. When I go back to work, I’m buying myself a maid. Seriously. If I have to work, that’s the price. When I’m at home, I want to play with my kids and not scrub my floors.

*I have no idea how to decide if we should have a third baby or not. Everything points to no. Cars, homes, vacations, restaurants…they’re all made for a family of four. But we still feel like there’s another baby out there that is meant for us one day. A very wise friend of mine told me she’ll never regret the kids she has but she may regret the ones she doesn’t. Everyone I know who has three loves it immensely and I know several people who stopped at two who wish they’d had three. How did you decide? (And no, it wouldn’t be for a while. Thank you IUD.)

*Why doesn’t everyone have an IUD? It’s SO easy and painless, nothing to remember and lasts five years. I love it. I’ll continue to love it until I give birth to a baby with an IUD implanted in it’s head. Do you know how many people have told me a story about “their friend” who had a baby with an IUD implanted in it’s head? At least…three.

*I love nap time. I love my kids but nap time is one of my favourite times of the day. Particularly when they’re both sleeping. Oh crap. One just woke up.

the second

the first

*I watched the Oprah show on puppy mills last night while I was waiting for Bella to fall asleep (I love our DVR!) and bawled like a toddler. (My toddler cries way more than my baby.) I think I used half a box of kleenex. Those people are freaking sick. PLEASE, people, for the love of all things holy, get your animals from a shelter and get them spayed or neutered.

*We recently made a decision that I can’t tell you about but it’s still VERY exciting! I’ll be able to tell you soon, but not yet.

*I have to write things like that (see above) because there are tons of people who read my blog who think I don’t know they read it. They have no idea that I can tell who visits my site. (Hi! I know what street you live on!)

*Yesterday I was having leftover salmon loaf for lunch in my attempt to have fish once a week (which is hard when you hate fish). Primo took a bite off my fork and went to play. When I took him for his nap (which he didn’t have) about 15 minutes later and asked him what song he wanted me to sing, he said “MmmmmmmmMMMMmmm.” When I asked him to repeat himself, because I thought he was being silly, he said “MmmmmmmmMMMMmmm.” Then I noticed a little bit of pink drool coming out of his mouth. The kid had held salmon loaf in his mouth for 15 minutes and was going to go to bed with it in there! I took him to the bathroom so he could spit it in the toilet, which was the highlight of his day. Why on earth would he do that?

*Molars can kiss my ass. Primo hasn’t slept well or alone at night or had a proper nap in ten days.

*This Sunday is my Dad’s birthday. He’ll be 69. Happy Birthday Gapa Jack!

Here’s the first, in case you’re bored and reading more random things about me would make your day.

As I’m wont to do, this post is all about the randomness. However, TNG turned me on to a much more intriguing way of saying “random crap” - Fun Fact Friday! (Which she says I “MUST attribute the title to TESSIE from Messing With Texas” who I have never read but will now because she’s the shiznit. Funny shiznit at that.)

So, now that you know it wasn’t my idea and that I stole it from not one but TWO bloggers better than I, let us get on with the random crap Fun Facts!

*I have dated two mormon dudes, and I dated both of them twice. Like, for multiple months years each time. Sucker for punishment much? Both their names started with the letter ‘S’ and both were what some may call “Jack-Mormons.” You know - if Jack is a guy who smokes dope and gets kicked out of Calm 20, drives without insurance, has a mullet and will never amount to anything.

*The mormon boyfriend who drove without insurance? He was such a loser that I applied to university in another city, was accepted and packed up to move without even telling him. He drove by my parents’ house when we were all loaded up and asked where we were going. I told him I was moving away to university. That’s how he found out I didn’t like him any more. Heh.

*While we were still dating I called the cops and told them he’d be leaving my house driving his truck without insurance and told them where they could catch him. He got a $1500 fine. He still doesn’t know that was me. Served the bastard right, don’t you think? My mom thought it was pretty funny.

*Those two guys are the reason my parents praised God when they met The Big Guy. He was like an angel straight from heaven. He was fabulous anyway, but when compared to the mormons, he might as well have been Jesus himself.

*When I was a kid (maybe eight?) I used my mom’s razor to shave my arms. I had no idea that women didn’t do that.

*I am slightly addicted to organizing and, when I’m bored, I rearrange medicine cabinets and go to town with my label maker.

*I hate pop. That would be soda to my friends south of the border. It’s the bubbles and the sweetness. And also, a really bad memory that includes pop. It goes a little like this: My mom made a gingerbread house with us every Christmas while we were growing up. One year - I must have been nine or ten - she gave me $20 to go to the Can-ex (military base grocery store) and choose some candy to decorate with, and told me I could keep the change. I decided to spend it on a bottle of orange Crush - something that was a rare find in our house. Birthday parties and…well, just birthday parties. I was rather excited to have it, so I chugged it right there in the hall outside the grocery store between the water fountain and the door to the Gag n’ Puke (the coffee shop in the Can-ex.) It was delicious for about 17 seconds. Then? I burped. And it all came out my nose and burned like a son of a bitch. Since that day, I have avoided pop like the plague.

*I love horseback riding. I was a member of “The Stables” near the base I grew up on and rode regularly. I always dreamed of leaving my group or my instructor and galloping off into the sunset. (And then coming back in time for dinner.)

There you have it. Happy Friday, y’all!